Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
