as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
