I hate your face
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
