ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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