READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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