There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
