Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
