I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
