I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
