2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
