OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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