I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
