I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
