clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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