Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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