I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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