Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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