If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
