I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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