As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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