Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
how does that bad decision feel?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
