BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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