neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
