he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
