you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
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One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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