i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
