I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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