I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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