happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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