Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
