i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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