Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
