i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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