She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
