do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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