Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
