then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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