Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
