Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
