your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
