She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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