so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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