can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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