maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
