How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
