I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
