We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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