I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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