Can Purell be used as lube?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
