you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Text me some of your sweat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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