he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
