Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
