Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
