nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
