You smell like stripper and shame
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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