Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
