Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
