We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
