Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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