I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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