I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
