i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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