Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
