I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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