you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
