Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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