yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
