i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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