That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize