This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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