i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my being single is dangerous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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