Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize