just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
