I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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