She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
