I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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