Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
