How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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