my sisters under your porch take her home
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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