Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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