I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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