ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
