I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
